just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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