I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
