There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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