How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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