..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
