you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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