from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
