Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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