Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
