So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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