I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
