I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
