dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
