yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
