I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
