rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
