It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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