Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
