His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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