so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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