Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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