We won't sleep together?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
