About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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