I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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