I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
