All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
