Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
