one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
