so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
