My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
