i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
