She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
