Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
