I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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