Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
