you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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