happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
