i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just crazy horny about you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
