If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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