i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
