My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
