Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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