is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
