I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
