i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize