How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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