guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
