Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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