U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
