I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
