I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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