I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
