Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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