Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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