she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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