i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
