you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
