I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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