we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
