Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think my vagina is haunted
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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