Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
