Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
