if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
