If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
