I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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