getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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