How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
