So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
