Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
