the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize