Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
