Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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