sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
