that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
