I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
