My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
