Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How external is "for external use only"?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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